not a good christmas.

so . . . it's christmas day and my cat, Jack, is dying.

steve had to work, my car [complete with broken-out back window] is still parked at the Portland airport [a story i still need to sit down and type out], and i'm alone on christmas night with a cat who won't quit wailing.

his gums are all ulcerated, and he's stopped drinking and eating.

he's been sick with chronic kidney disease for almost a year. through subcutaneous fluids and special cat food, he's made it pretty far. so, we knew it was coming.

however, about six weeks ago, we took him to the vet--i was sure he was going to be put to sleep. the vet was encouraging, though, and gave him a steroid shot and sent us on our way. he said he might have another 3 to 6 months if we were lucky, but at least another month.

he was doing pretty well--still wasting, but alert & fairly active.

then, i went away for a week. i came home to a cat who may not have eaten the entire time i was gone. i know it's not my fault or steve's, but i never considered that he'd just give up if i wasn't at home with him. and, that's what it seems like he did.

so, he's not really doing anything but crying, like he's in a good deal of pain. we have to wait until morning to take him to the vet . . . so he'll be at about 36 hours of feeling like total shit by the time we can get there.

and that's if they'll take us first thing in the morning.

i'm a wreck. i can't stop crying, and this christmas sucks.