My focuses for this summer--which I have free from work--is my emotional well-being first, but also on writing poetry, scheduling time with my journal, and creating new art. I am also hoping to commit to seeking publication for both my poetry and a few articles on art journals and mixed-media art. I want to feel like I'm spending time every day on writing. And on being a stronger person who is more comfortable in her own skin.
So for this summer, there will be no students, no boyfriends, no apologies, and no regrets. I have wonderful friends who have been supportive of me through thick and thin, I have an amazing family, and while I'm a little sad to realize it after the fact--I'm lucky to have what may end up being a really strong friendship with my soon-to-be ex-husband.
My therapist is adamant that I've been going through a midlife crisis, though she continually clarifies that for a woman, having one at 40 or 41 is kind of early. However, while this observation bothered me at first, and really embarrassed me, I am glad now that I'm believing her, that I'm owning that I've spent this year in a crisis of identity . . . I know that I'll get past it, and that I'll be stronger as a result of working through it. And, I could have done worse than spending the better part of a year dealing with an emotionally manipulative boy. At least I didn't buy a sportscar I couldn't afford or quit my job in order to "find myself." :) Honestly, though, if I had a little more money, or was employed in a more lucrative career, the whole Eat, Pray, Love solution might have proved an option. lol.
But, I don't want to dwell on my issues so much, and I am not really looking to use this blog as a place to air my dirty laundry or to badmouth anyone who can't defend himself. I am working on myself and on self-expression. This will be just another step in reclaiming my own heart and my own life. Nothing is more important than that right now. :)
And, I'm working on a blog post currently re: art journals and traveling with an art journal. So keep your eyes peeled . . . it should show up today or tomorrow!
Beautiful. Reclaim your heart and your life, and I'll be among those cheering you on! Thanks for sharing your process!ReplyDelete