12 July 2012

Scores of Changes

Since June of 2011, a lot has changed in my life . . . my husband and I separated last summer, I'm in a new house that I share only with my four cats, I'm working to get past an emotionally abusive relationship (with a man young enough to be my son), I am still reeling over the loss of several really close friends, and I'm struggling to settle into a groove with a new therapist and a new outlook on my life.

My focuses for this summer--which I have free from work--is my emotional well-being first, but also on writing poetry, scheduling time with my journal, and creating new art. I am also hoping to commit to seeking publication for both my poetry and a few articles on art journals and mixed-media art. I want to feel like I'm spending time every day on writing. And on being a stronger person who is more comfortable in her own skin.

So for this summer, there will be no students, no boyfriends, no apologies, and no regrets. I have wonderful friends who have been supportive of me through thick and thin, I have an amazing family, and while I'm a little sad to realize it after the fact--I'm lucky to have what may end up being a really strong friendship with my soon-to-be ex-husband.

Currently, I'm loving this photograph . . . I want to be that woman, and I want to have no regrets about my life when I'm her age looking back on what I've accomplished, who I've loved, and how I've treated myself and others.

My therapist is adamant that I've been going through a midlife crisis, though she continually clarifies that for a woman, having one at 40 or 41 is kind of early. However, while this observation bothered me at first, and really embarrassed me, I am glad now that I'm believing her, that I'm owning that I've spent this year in a crisis of identity . . . I know that I'll get past it, and that I'll be stronger as a result of working through it. And, I could have done worse than spending the better part of a year dealing with an emotionally manipulative boy. At least I didn't buy a sportscar I couldn't afford or quit my job in order to "find myself." :) Honestly, though, if I had a little more money, or was employed in a more lucrative career, the whole Eat, Pray, Love solution might have proved an option. lol.

But, I don't want to dwell on my issues so much, and I am not really looking to use this blog as a place to air my dirty laundry or to badmouth anyone who can't defend himself. I am working on myself and on self-expression. This will be just another step in reclaiming my own heart and my own life. Nothing is more important than that right now. :)

And, I'm working on a blog post currently re: art journals and traveling with an art journal. So keep your eyes peeled . . . it should show up today or tomorrow!

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful. Reclaim your heart and your life, and I'll be among those cheering you on! Thanks for sharing your process!


Thank you for commenting, and thus contributing to the conversation.